I'm Serious About Ice Cream

My sister (in the passenger's seat of my car):
"What is this?" (Pulls out a spoon.)

Me:
"That's my emergency spoon."

My sister:
"If this is your emergency weapon, then I'm sorry but you are not gonna make it."

Me:
"No, it's an emergency spoon for ice cream."

My sister:
"...."

Me:
"For the times when I buy a container of ice cream and I can't wait to go home to eat it."

My sister:
"Emergencies."

Me:
"Yeah."

My sister:
"It's not even disposable. It's just a gross metal spoon that you keep using and sticking back in your console."

Me:
"Relax. It's not like I asked you if you wanted to use it."

My sister:
"You are disgusting."

Me:
"Or am I really prepared for emergencies?"

My sister:
"And delusional."

Today at work I spilled milk all over a bunch of documents that I only had one copy of. I freaked out and laid them all out on my desk to dry, praying that they wouldn’t reek. I went back an hour later and realized that the wet ink caused them to STICK TO THE DESK. So as I pulled them up, pieces of them ripped off in chunks.
Can’t wait til I get to hand in that folder of mutilated, curdled paperwork….
I guess I’ll just grin crazily and say, “HURR’S MER WERK.”