Ralph Really Keeps Calm and Carries On
- Ralph (pointing to a magazine with a picture of Kate Middleton holding up baby George): "Did the Prince have a kid?"
- Me: "Yeah. George."
- Ralph: "Pordge?"
- Me: "No, GEORGE."
- Ralph: "Oh."
- Me: "Don't you remember that everyone was freaking out when she had him?"
- Ralph: "Why? Was it out of wedlock?"
- Me (my eyes bugging out of my head): "Are you kidding?? Don't you remember that little thing called THE ROYAL WEDDING?"
- Ralph: "Nope."
- Me: "...You really don't care, do you?"
- Ralph: "They should have gone with 'Pordge.'"
I just pulled out my tuna salad for lunch and I thought, ‘Hmm. It looks like cat food. …I wish I were a cat.’ The worst part is that when I stepped back and thought, ‘What is wrong with me??’ My final conclusion was, ‘Yeah, it would be awesome to be a cat. I don’t take it back.’
- Ralph (rooting through his suitcase): "I can't find my other white sock."
- Me: "I think I packed two."
- Ralph: "Oh no--you packed a white one and a gray one."
- Me: "Really? I'm sorry."
- Ralph: "This white sock misses his brother."
- Me: "You know I hate it when you personify things. It makes me feel bad."
- Ralph: "This white sock's name is Petey and his brother's name is Jaime and you left Jaime at home."
- Me: "Please stop."
- Ralph (brandishing the gray sock): "Instead you brought UNCLE SLYVIN!!"
- Me: "Are you kidding me?"
- Ralph: "And Uncle Slyvin was in prison!! He doesn't deserve to go on vacation."
- Me: "Seriously. Stop it."
- Ralph: "Poor Jaime. I can't believe you let Slyvin get away with this."
- Me: "I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR SOCKS."
- *Three hours later on the train ride home*
- Me: "Okay, why was Uncle Slyvin in prison?"
- Ralph (without missing a beat): "Money laundering."
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