Dear Victoria’s Secret,
I cut the bra part out of all of your tops with inset bras. You should do more research on related incidents of boob suffocation in your clothing.
PS: Please tell your employees to stop trying to measure me. I’m starting to think they get off on it.
PPS: The last thing that I need is another one of those little stuffed dogs. Stop trying to sell me on them. I just come home and give them to the Indian kids in my apartment building.